what's been going on with me.


i don't know what title i should put here.

so, this post it's actually about me. if you have no interest about it, just skip it.

i had a bad dreams recently, for 2 days. it kinda weird i mean, but it's all about me. i am the first actor in my dream. i won't tell you what's in my dream because is useless.

sometimes, i look to my friends, or the one who is easy going. why can't i be like them?
talk active (in a good way) like i always have something to talk about. like my mom. she's the most talk active person in home, i mean she's always happy, and talk about everything near them, and she is funny like all the time, she's make my family seems bright and not blue or not so basic nor awkward. because she is so funny and when i go shop she is so gooddd like so freaking good at bargain something until she gets what price her wants. and why can i be like her? everyone loves her. i love her too. and my mom's friend child also like her because she is funny. i am proud daughter of course, but why can't i be like my mom?

i think in my family i'm the quite one, i'm so awkward and doesn't have much to talk about.
i can't story telling. maybe i can, but i don't have an idea.

i feel like i'm kinda like person in "Brooklyn" movie
maybe? i don't know.
you have to watch it, so i think you will know me if i kinda feel like that.

disclaimer, i'm not that quite all the time actually, but i'm not really social person. i just can be with person i think they're nice or good, like attitude or speaks or anything.

sometimes, it's hard to let word comes out of my tongue.
that's why i write everything down here.
my brother also tell me that i kinda closed person because i'm not used to tell everything, tell my story, what happened in school, to my mom or dad. at least they ask.
so he gave me advice, good advice, like you should join some community, or make friend, just join them, don't talk unless you have to, see how they make a conversation, see how can they be so funny, and it makes me think, i can do that. of course, everyone can do that, so why can't i?

then i changed my perspective of everything. like why can't i ask something when i don't understand, when other can do it easily? why can't i have a good score when my friend can have it? why can't i let out my opinion when my friend could, even it's really not good opinion compares to mine? just example.

just be brave, i'm just on progress to be exactly what i want to be, what i want for my personality, with no fear, and wanderer everywhere with no anxious.

i always think before, maybe this what i should be, this is myself. but why don't i comfort with it? so i change it a little bit to know exactly what i want for my personality :)

Stay shine!


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